saturday was a fucked up day. i swear.

came back last night around 4plus and my bro wasnt slping. and got a major scolding. whatever.

i swear there's something wrong with the bose set in my room. the alarm was supposed to go off at 8am, ( so that i could go to church?! ) and it didnt!!! so i woke up at around 3plus.. sorry hazel!!!!!!!

work starts tomorrow. my bro knows the supervisor there.. wayne. so does leong. and everyone's like.. "oh so you're gonna work with wayne.." and im like.. "who is wayne?!" never mind.. shall find out tomorrow. apparently i've seen him before.. or so my brother says..

danny is leaving. very soon. fuck. was talking to him just now and he was packing his things.. and like.... the realisation that im not gonna see him for a long time came onto me....... sigh. and he told me he bought more shirts for me in his recent trip. but hell, i dont need those shirts.. all i want is for him to stay in singapore!! ugh.

ive got ugly hair. i wanna bury myself in a hole and never come outta it.

is that what friends are for? you know what? i dont think so. perhaps we always had different perceptions about things.. perhaps we're not even meant to be good friends in the first place. you two totally made me realise many things.

a whole fucking truckload of fucking bullshit. look at my words, bullshit.

righttt. so im awake in the morning on a saturday.. how fantastic is that?

ive been awake since 3am.. bah. cant get back to sleep but im feeling sleepy. how ironic is that? slept at like 9pm last night.. but today is gonna be a busy day. how to survive with just 6 hours of sleep? and somemore i might not be sleeping tonight.. ugh..

i need to sleep. badly.

so my hair was washed/rinsed 8273483759 times today. hahaha. okay. fine. kidding.. but at least 6 times.. ugh!

now i've 3 different colors on my hair. hope i dont look like an ahlian or something.. and my hair is very short!! i have my sister's hairstyle now. her old one that is.. haha. and being sisters, we both made appointments at the hair shop on the same day.. her's was at 12.. mine was at 1.. haha. was so shocked to see my sister there.

and result of running in the rain for a short while today? a temperature of 39.8. damn. got so many things on tomorrow.. its like my "last" time going out with cat before i start work and before she leaves.. sigh. and ive got a teacher's church wedding to attend at 2pm..

but ive got a fucking high fever. BAH. irritating. i hope i will be well by monday to start work.

okay. its bed time.

yAyyyy. i managed to get my way somehow. and i've already made an appointment later at the hair shop. yAyyy.

haha. im gonna get my hair done from 1-6.. cos i wanna leave at 6 to come home to watch hollandvillage!!!!!!!!! last episode can.

after being nice to my mom for the past few weeks, she refuses to give my 300 bucks to color my hair tomorrow. bitch.

everyone's being a total fucker at home. i should have just went out till late and come home even later. damn.

anyway i went to the red cross home for the disabled.... was an errrr, eye opener..... damn sad. all of them damn poor thing.. sigh. why did god create them this way?

i want to color my hair....... i dont care. im fucking pissed i tell you. she can spend hundreds of dollars every month buying toys for tasha when tasha already has a whole bloody room of toys.. not counting those un-opened presents in the store room.. and then what? all im asking for is 300 bucks and she says its not a necessity. what a bitch. im her fucking daughter for heaven's sake.

ugh. bitchhhh.

so i was in town ALL ALONE and i had NO ONE to meet. hence i came over to my sister's place.. bah.

went for the interview..... and.... im starting work on monday!!!! :) mambo at heeren. think i'll be working there for a month.. and then in january i will be transferred to wisma's outlet. oooer. exciting. but i wont be getting free mambo clothes. bahhh.

and........ i was warned not to have friends visiting me at the outlet.. bah.

im fucking hungry. havent ate anything since errrm, wanton noodles last night at 8plus.

right so i just came home..

lets see.. I WATCHED MY FIRST R(A) MOVIE YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IGBY GOES DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahhaha. okay. we only knew its a r(a) show when we bought tickets.. and saw the r(a) thingy. so we, ( crystal, catn and i ) just kept quiet.. hahahhaha. and i guess we managed to pass off as 21? hehhh. nice movie.. cat laughs at the silliest things. walked around everywhere yesterday. gucci, lv, etc etc..

then met denise, wai, kel, boy, funy and darryl in cine? yar..

AND I MISSED MY LAST BUS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i had to roam around town with kel, boy, funy, ian and darryl. fucking lame..... and fucking boring i swear.

eh.. should i work at mambo or max&co?... but i still wanna work at blackjack!!!! -sulks-

i've got an interview with albert from club21 later. at 3.. and i've not slept for SO LONG!!! boohoo! what should i wear?

so i didnt go to eastwest in the end.. went down to my cousin's place.. bitched.. yada yada..

oh yes im offered a job. max&co.. six bucks per hour.. but i have to start work soon and i'll only be working till after chinese new year. so im still thinking about it.. should i? the money is not bad....... right? and i need the money..... yes? but............ if i start work soon, I CANNOT GO OUT WITH MY BROTHER!!!!!!!!!

rightt. just got home.. lets see... raffles city was alright? didnt shop. my sis wanted to buy me a pair of slippers from m)phosis cos i said i kinda liked it.. but i didnt want to buy it. cos its something i want and its not something i need. haha.

went over to siglap.. her friend's place for dinner.. fairmount.. nice condo.. next to my bro's. but my bro was at home so we didnt go up to his place.. bah! oh my sister's friend asked me to work for him. some part time thingy.. but always at indoor stadium should he need me.. for kriston food and catering.. he's the boss.. hrrm.. maybe? but i'd rather work for club 21. haha.

okay. so should i go to eastwest bar now? but i just got home and im feeling all comfy. hrrms. and my cousin just asked me to go downstairs.. (she lives downstairs)

im at my sister's house now. hrrm. gonna go to raffles city later then go to her friend's place for dinner. hrrms. or should i go to town?

ugh. my mom just woke me up cos im going out with my sis later at one.. its early.. not even noon. bah. and i slept at 4 cos i was reading a book.

my classmate is leaving today. never coming back. man.. im gonna miss her even though i only knew her this year. the taka outings and the crepes we ate.. neoprints we took.. things she said.. everything, sigh. gonna miss you deb.

okay. out with sister. been ages since we've done that sister-ly bonding thing. i wanna shop today! yAy!

im not really having real FUN after the Os.. what the hell right? like probably friday was fun. going out with all the people that ive not met in AGES..

tomorrow im gonna meet my sister for lunch at raffles city. think she took a day off and she's bringing the girls out.. bah. have to wake up so early. ( by noon! ) hrrms. i may be working for max&co. the brand below maxmara? yar.. not sure.. my cousin is gonna help me? i think. but i wanna ask me brother whether he could get me a job at either blackjack or mambo cos he knows the people there.. i dont mind prada or louisvuitton too.. but i think im too young?

i wanna work!!!! i so need ta shop.

okayyy. so on saturday i went to town.. with kelly and cat.. then cat went to watch a movie so kelly and i were roaming around town.. lets see.. then met huanghuang mother.. walked around again. and took neoprints!! haha. damn funnny. the process of it.. mother is like so blur.

anyway then we went over to wenhu's house.. my son. lol. went to the gym.. blahblah.. played.. talked rubbish.. then leslie came. then errr, left around 2 plus and wai came over to my place.. took the nightrider.. first time!!! lol. dumb.

and we did dumb things around my neighbourhood. anywayyy. went to the top level of the multi storey carpark to look at stars.. came up, ate instant noodles and went to my room to look at pictures.. lol. slept around 6plus?

i was supposed to wake up at 7plus for church. but due to the lack of sleep.. i was reallllllly damn tired i went back to sleep. growlsss. felt really guilty. woke up around 3plus? yar. went to meet lewis.. ha. he's finally out. still talking as much rubbish as ever.

went to town to meet kelly, my son and denise. wasnt in a very fantastic mood. things happened. and i hate crying. ugh. watever.. anyway............ yar. saw my sister's friend. this bloody spg. bimbo. keep seeing one of my bro's friend in town.. weird.

i miss danny. alot. sigh. next week. next week...... he's gonna bring me out. yay.

my diet plan isnt really working very well.

okay. so i didnt really partayeeee. infact i think i played more before my Os than today? yupp.

just got back. im a kimseng..

lets see.. met bran, nana, cj, denise, crystal, christina etc? yes. and also met other people here and there.. infact i met many many people today. i thought there was supposed to be a house partayeee today so i wore like just a spag top and three quarts.. and my white ah soh-ish birkenstocks. together with my niang niang qiang lv handbag. haha. so gu niang..

so anyway. yar. rotted at cine for like THREE hours. can die arhssss. then went to wisma to meet jacob, roy, vincent and huanghuang.. then kelly, son, farny, devon and wai came. and then........ hrrrrrrrrrm. we spent so long deciding where to go.. in the end decided to go watch a movie. and before the movie.. nana, cat, huanghuang (mother) and i went to play with snow!!!! as in you know the ones they have in town? haha. we were being total bimbos acting so dumbbb. hehhhhs.

watched some errr, heaven and earth show? STUPIDDDDDDD. dumb story. i was messaging throughout..

after which we ended up at rivervalley having supper. and i ate supper. bahhh. feeling fattt. laughed so much during supper with jacob, roy, wai and maomao. hahaha. stupid moments..

oh yes i bought a top from toss today. think im gonna get the roxy handbag tomorrow. goodness. why am i so niangniangqiang??? growlsss.

anyway did i mention that phd is irritating?!. VERY.... VERY VERY VERY. ( pssst, nana.. she's getting on my nerves. and i didnt talk to her!!!!! so i didnt betray you!!!! ) hahahah. took neoprints thrice today. im brokeee. sheesh.

how to partayeee when i only slept 3 hours last night? you tell me la.. how how? i think i club halfway i will just fall asleep. bahhh.

okay. jon is a horny asshole. haha. talking rubbish.

okay. so i was supposed to sleep.

and then i was talking to cj.
and now im talking to jon on the phone. haha. we're bitching. lol.. meeting him later. haha.

hrrm. meeting bran soon! i think!

ITS PARTAYEEEE TIME!!!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay. so today is the last day i wore my sailormoon uniform. kinda sad. at the end of the day.. they were signing all over the uniforms and all.. hrrm. ha. i wrote dumb things for some..

gonna miss everyone. so many of them leaving today.. sigh.

so i just came home.. ate so much i think i'm probably a pig or something. when i woke up, i drank a packet of milo. and after my papers.. i went to eat with some friends.. and i ate beancurd.. porridge and then i drunk orange juice. everything was "watery."

and guess what? on the way home i needed to pee really badly. and the bus was on the expressway. i almost died.. came home and ran to the toilet straight away. haha.

and i saw the most gorgeous guys ever. hell, they looked like some ck models? this group of 5 guys were at bukitmerah central. goodness... saw them walking around at first and i was like.. "WHOAAAA.... handsome." and then saw them at the interchange and they came over and asked us whether we knew which bus goes to town. so handsome!! they're like greek hunks. whoaa. and their body, sculpted to perfection. the one in white singlet.. and the one in the cap was exceptionally cute. :) gorgeous!!!

im loving my spice girls cd again. this is bad. rightttttt? -imitates the msn plus voice!!!-

so last night cat and i were saying totally bimbo-tic things on the phone. and we kept comparing about things in our lifes. take for example.. the phone thingy mentioned below. haha. and then we even compared fortysix and honeystar. lol.

her: "imagine if after O levels everyone go out then i stay at home at study? -laughing-"
me: "-keeps quiet-"
her: "eh why you keep silent?"
me: "its not very funny you know. okay. cat, imagine if after O levels i don go out.. everyday stay at home and pray?"
her: "-laughs non stop- okay. so now i know how lame i was. -continues laughing-"

see, see she how bimbo?

im talking to cat now. and we're quarreling. she's such a bitch. think her phone got camera very big deal larh?!!! so?! wait till i catch up man.

me: "you dont talk so much la. starting of this year i was using color phone and u still using your black and white phone.."
her: "but now i got camera phone you have anot?"
me: "dont have la. but still.. i got color first."
her: "you get camera phone then say la. by that time i change phone already okay."
me: "fine.. lets wait and see. hrmmpfff."

okay. the above mentioned wasnt for like real. we were being bimbo and having stupid quarrels and laughing after that. haha. partnerincrimeee, love love!! :)

this is a special entry for nana and bran. ( the two lovely nice ones who once waited outside smss to surprise me when i was not behaving "myself". )

soooorrrryyyy larhs. dont be angry please you two handsome ones? i didnt mean to betray you two. besides it wasnt on purpose right? pretty pleaseee. dont be angry larhs. you two are too dear to me.. so you guys cant be angry with me!!! :) haha. remember the superstarr days? all the fun. skipping school.. smoking our lives away. heh. remember them all and smile!! and dont be angry with me already okiesss?! :)

how was i to know after the one bran dislikes.. it was next to the one nana dislikes.. what misfortune. tskkk. they're mean creatures cos they were mean to you guys!! rightttt? -nods-

nana, where are your four sons?

so i spoilt my mom's frying pan. it was some non stick thingy and i used the wrong thing? im not sure.. bah. enough of cooking for me man.

so im gonna buy 2 webcams. one for danny.. one for me.

was in search for the pink gillette shaver just now in bukitpanjangplaza. not the pink venus one.. ( the pink venus shaver SUCKS. i swear. ) was looking for the eerrrrhhmmms original gillette women's shaver. PINK mind you.. guardian, ntuc, watsons etc all didnt have it. bah. they only had the blue one so i had to settle for blue. and bought 2 packs of refills. haha. i think i wont need ta buy shaver refills for a longgg time. yAyyyY.

i think my mom's damn nice.. she's the nicest mommy in the world. :) although she may be a total bitch at times.. haha. maybe thats why my sis is like that.. run in the genes must be! haha.

okay. enough said. studyyy time.

i was looking through my testimonials in friendster. and almost everyone said im cheerful.. nice to bitch with yada yada. what if... one day i say that im not cheerful person i seem outside?

bah. i think ive been thinking too much.

oh yes. guess what's in my bose player now? SPICEWORLD cd. =D haAhahAH.. goodness.

so i cooked hotdogs and eggs just now.

and my bro ( the mean one ) is buying chicken chop for my dinner tonight.

i think im just gonna be fat again.

i love my sister. :) alot. she's like this figure that i look up to? yar. although she may be a total bitch at times and try to control my life and the people i mix around with, all in all i know she's doing it for my own good. i saw my sis change so much. from this bimbo air stewardess to this girl that hung out with all the other bimbo stewardess.. and then her different boyfriends.. and then marriage. her being a mother and to where she is right now. having a family. two daughters. leading a very comfy life. always shopping.. she deserves it la. for what she has done for everyone in the family and around her.

i loveee my sister. only thing now is.... i miss the times she used to bring me out. when i was wayyy younger la. she would bring me out to town.. shop.. watch a movie.. eat chicken rice at mandarin hotel. haha. and how i used to get something whenever she comes back from flights.. come to think of it, i had everything i wanted when i was younger. i thinkkk? but now she has a family and all.. so the only time we go out is like family outing thingy, bring the girls out and all.. go to all the kiddy places. bahh.

okay. so my brother is leaving in less than a month's time. im still trying to accept the fact. people come and go right??? but... buttt... not family members! they're the ones always there for you. so why does he have to leave?

my eyes are all puffy and red.

eh everyone.. who needs a part time friend call me or something?. i think im a damn good candidate. meaning.. you only find me if your good friends arent free.. fantastic isnt it?

so i tossed and turned in bed for 3 whole hours last night before i fell asleep. fantastic.

im so freaking lazy to get my ass to school. for the first week of the O's.. ive been taking a cab to school.. and now the thought of taking a bus totally bores me. bahh.

i lost a little bit of weight recently. gotta keep to my diet!!

righttt, so i just woke up.

my sleeping hours are like SO screwed up. blarghss.

geography was.... okay. lets just say that i didnt do the agriculture question at all and just did the manufacturing question. darn. and the tourism question was alright la.. i hope?

did i ever mention that my hair is so long now its pissing me off. and the only reason why im not trimming it is becos im still deciding whether i should keep my hair long or cut it realllly short. ( my mom says.. "no butch hairstyle. dont look like a boy.. later you become lesbian." ) how do you define a butch hairstyle? lol.

im still sleepy. but i need ta get the mole concept thingy in my mind. shucks. ta.

yAyyYyy. my bro just called not too long ago. -all smiles- asked hows things at home and all.. and asked me to call him after my exams on friday!! yipEeEeee. :) but then reality hits me again.. like.. wow. he'll be bringing me out for the last time ever. sigh sigh sigh. and i almost cried. bahh.

joy.

okay. i think i wanna get back to god. but its gonna be hard rite? okay. i said.. try. try try try. yes?

so i was just pondering and reflecting.. so everyone else knew about it except me? was i like the last? why do i have to deal with such things? cant my family be normal? why do i have to deal with such stuff? can i not? but then again.. i have to face up to reality right? but i dont want to!! ugh. truth hurts. hurts so fucking badly.

all i wanna do before he leaves is to take a COMPLETE family picture. please.. can we please take one? i just want one with my parents.. sis.. and my 2 bro. thats all im asking for. okay.. fine.. i forgot about my bro in law and my nieces.. okay. just us. can? please?

i wanna cry. as ms low said... i will cry alottt that day. and just now as i was telling them the thing, evelyn thought i was crying.. ha. no larh. but during service.. i think was during one of the prayers.. i kinda bent down and starting pondering on the thing. and i almost cried.. but sigh. things are already like that right? no amount of tears can ever change that... so.. haiyarrrr. i wanna cry. i wanna cry. i wanna cry. i wanna cry. maybe, perhaps i will feel better after crying?. haiyarr! i wanna scream.. i wanna cry. i dont wanna know the truth. i dont wanna know what you know.

is it in the genes?

so last night i slept till 11pm... woke up had jalan kayu's prata.. and i've not slept a wink from then till now. dying from lack of sleep.

so i met jacob and huang huang ( "daddy" and "mommy" ) for breakfast at 7am at the macs opposite my place.. and father ate so MUCH!!! goodness. scary.. and breakfast was well.... funny. it was like you know sunday mornings and you have breakfast with your family kinda thingy? except we were saying what's the other daughter doing at home with another butch when she's supposed to be having breakfast with us? lol. and so we were saying we're gonna sell cotton candy outside some primary school and end up being some millionaire and stay at nassim road. haha. since they started with satay and tau huey.. im sure we could do it too right? so we should all just drop outta school and sell cotton candy!! all we need to do now is set up the budget and all.. hrrm. :) and then we saw this afro man.. OLD MAN mind you. damn funny.. once huang huang and i saw him.. we started laughing non stop.... haha. and jacob finally got the joke and laughed along too.. and we laughed allll the way till the man was outta sight. as they always say.. outta sight, outta mind. righttt? and yes. on my birthday.. we're gonna have a family chalet.. ( jacob, huang huang, wai and i. ) just the four of us in the beeegggg chalet at safra. haha. how fun!! lol. kidding.. but im planning something along that line. =D so my parents then walked me to the traffic light and made sure i walked to the bus stop. lol.

righttt. church.. okay. couldnt really concentrate.. was thinking of danny. hell.. yar. okay. not exactly.. halfway i suddenly thought of jacob saying "wahlao.. if i see * i will whack him. haha" and i started smiling to myself like an idiot.. cos the reason behind that is kinda dumb. hehh. and su an and i were bitching about -ahhhemmm- phdphd and i received a sms from clem telling me that i shouldnt chat so much. =X okay. so was talking to miss low and all.. you mean everyone else knew except me? what the hell?!! okay.. whatever larhs. haiyar. saddd. anyway.. she wanted us to wait for her cos she wanted to join us at holland.. and everytime we were ready to leave church.. she would turn around and see someone she know.. and they will just start chatting.. evelyn hazel and i were so irritated we just walked away. haha. and i was calling ms low 'ringo jieee jieee' today and she was sooo irritated. haha. and ms low suggested walking to holland.. and we were all whining and all. and when i felt like walking to holland ms low didnt want to. bahhh! oh yes and did i mention evelyn was looking at my photo album and she thought my bro was realllly cute. and she kept repeating herself.. so i gave her my bro's number. LOL.

so anyway we had lunch at the katong laksa place.. i chose it cos i like the lime juice there. haha. outta point.. ate the wantan.. nice.. by that time.. i was already all groggy and sleepy.. so i was like lagging? ha. and after that we met geraldine and this other couple.. geraldine is so funnnny!!! haha. perked me up.

oh yes.. before i forget.. to all the ex and present st marg's girls.. HAPPY FOUNDER'S DAY!!!!! we're 161 today man!!! :) oldest girls' school in the whole of south east asia. woooohooo!!

and today is my sis's wedding anniversary.. not like she'll see this.. but.. owell. enjoy your day jie.

im sleepy. its bed time.

okay. so i just wanna say thanks and sorry to everyone who errr, carried me and took care of me last night. yar. sorry. owe you guys one.

and i cant believe i actually tried to run across the road when there were cars. thank god for roy and cat. actually... thank god for everyone around me yesterday.

rightttt. so i have like 3 blue-blacks on my left knee.. 2 blue-blacks on my right knee.. 1 bite mark on my left hand.. 2 blue-blacks on my left wrist.. 1 blue-black on my left elbow.. 1 blue-black on my left arm, the inner part.. 3 blue-blacks on my right wrist.. 1 blue black on my right elbow.. 1 blue black on my chin.......anyone care to tell me how the hell did i get all these?

okay. so i gave in to temptation and went out last night.

met devon, kel, wai, denise and crystal in town.
went to eastwest bar at neil road.. azhar works there.. $18 for free flow. met andreas, cat, stef, rio, sean, jacob, roy, huang huang and err. thats all? yar..

and i got drunk. said ALOT of things that wasnt supposed to be said. yar. wai cried.. haiya. dont worry alr la k? yar.. and then i think i did stupid things too. like biting i dunno who.. and all.. i said and did stupid things yesterday. i can just kill myself already. haiyarrrr!

anyway i dun really remember what happened. they said something about all of them carrying me up to ks cos i kept wanting to cross the road.. i dunno la. ugh. yar. and i've got many bruises on my body now.

and last night before we slept.. ( wai denise and i slept together on 2 beds. ) denise and i placed our errr, bra under our pillows and prayed for the bra fairy to come and leave some money for us. how bimbo is that?!. chao teh kohh. chao lai sa. tskkk.

enough said.
enough of drinking.
gonna sleep.

i dont believe this. i just woke up.......................... wow! okay.

so i slept this morning at around 7.50am.. and yar. i just woke up.. hrrm. interesting..

right. so i developed the photos just now. cost me twenty two bucks.. anyway. yar.. all the photos brought back different memories.. this is kinda lame but here goes..

oscar.
puffer fishes (!!!!)
the "family" photo of the father and the two daughters taken in the mirror. wheres the mom??
the vodka bottles.
school (sailormoon) moments.
english teacher, maths teacher, and my handsome form teacher. (!!!!)
schoolmates.
dinner with mrs goh and mrs sze toh. (mrs szetoh is like realllly pretty for her age!!)
seeing the twins after that.
taking pictures near the canal.. with all our hands behind becos we all had a fag in hand.
my two pretty nieces. kyra and tash. :)
the 5 pictures i have of danny. might be the last. sigh.. damn sad.

time sure flies eh? so many things has changed within this period of time.. haiya.

oh there's this picture of tasha posing like a model.. wearing heels. damn funny. and i took a similar picture when i was younger. ha. dumb.

i miss danny kor kor. okay. in a month's time he's gonna leave.. gotta get mentally prepared for that. shan't cry at the airport. ( righttttttt, daphne. )

bought a book. nicholas sparks - the guardian. i love reading. lol.

i wanna be your guardian angel for life.

audio conversation between jacob and i.. please note that im hearing him through my speakers and im just typing through.. get it?

jacob: "eh eh.. -whispers- put your ear close to the speaker.. i want to tell you something.. dont want my friend to know."
me: -types- okayyy. yarrr..
jacob: "pur your ear there alr anot?"
me: -types- yes.
jacob: "-whispers- i tell you ah.. -shouts- HOOOOOIII!!!!" -starts laughing-
me: -types- thanks ah.

now jacob's display picture is my picture. and my display picture is his picture. lol. damn funny. and im his 17 year old daughter and he's my 16 year old father. -nods-

okay. so i was on conference with wai, wenhu and sean.. and i hung up cos my bro came in the room.. ( no not danny.. i WISH!! )

now im on a msn audio conversation with jacob father.. damn funny.. he's just singing and singing.. nice nice. lol. and just now when my bro came into e room.. jacob was like saying.. "eh today got go out anot?... OEI.. got go out anot?" and i had to like switch off the speaker.. lol.

righttt. so just now my sis came over to pick me up to go over to her place.. was all happy to see danny and all.. and yar i did see him. but im not all smiles.

he told my mom and i.. ( fine.. he told my mom and i was there. ) that, he's leaving next month to go to newyork to study. for about 2 - 3 years. my mom got all teary when she heard him.. and hell.. i almost teared.. and he's leaving in the middle of next month. latest would be 20sth december.. and i wont see him for 2 - 3 years.. i mean hell. he's my favourite brother.. and knowing him.. chances are he most probably wont come back to singapore even after the studying cos he had never liked it here.. always prefered the states.. so.. its like.. saying the last goodbye soon kinda thing?.

and i dont need those gap, old navy and triple five soul clothes he bought for me.. i dont need those teen vouge.. all these cant make up for the past few months where ive not seen him.. all these cant make up for the next few years that im not gonna see him.. i'd return him everything he had bought for me.. just for him to stay in singapore..

and when he pat my head just now.. just like how he used to when i was younger.. i was on the verge of crying.. okay fine.. hell.. i teared.. thought of all the things he did for me.. all the things he said to me.. everything.. shucks. fine.. im tearing now.. ugh. hate myself.

so i was talking to my sis just now while we were at the balcony alone.. and i kinda cried cos like reality sinked in and i know i most probably wont see danny for a long time.. it will be amazing if he would ever call.. he tendered in his resignation and all.. yar.

he's leaving soon and i dont know when he'll be back again. right. i've got to learn to live with that.. sigh.

im seeing danny kor kor!!!! yipee!!! im all smiles. :) :) :) :) yayyyy!

so i slept at 645am.. wow.. and i just woke up. hell.

ohhh. who wants to work? sales promoter.. $6.50 per hour.. still got commissions. need ta work till june.. and females only!! haha.. my sis's friend just called.. but i dont think im going for it cos she needs me to start like maybe soon? and ive got so many plans after the Os.. maybe after that.. hrrrm.

yayyy! my sis bought chocolates from sin's again for me! :) yayyy.

today while i was watching hollandvillage.. tash came running into the room..

tash: "listen to me okay? im going to sing a long. listen carefully."
me: "tash im trying to watch a show over here.. would you mind.."
tash: -folds her arms- "can you please look at me"
me: -looks at her.-
tash: -starts singing- "im too sexy for my love.. too sexy for my love.. too sexy.. too sexy.." -dances in the err.. erotic manner.-

and that is coming from a girl who just turned 4 last monday. i wonder what school has been teaching her.. and i also wonder if its the hospital stay..

oh yes and i may be meeting my bro tomorrow. as in he's going over to my sister's place so if he's going hell of cos im going.. yar. but not keeping my hopes up high..

anyway not really looking forward to it.. cos tomorrow 2 of my auntys are going over to my sis's place to visit tash.. and then everyone will just fuss over my bro and he wont even have time to talk to me.. let alone have a decent conversation.. they will just go on and on.. ask him to get things from dutyfree blah blah.. ugh.. irritating.. not like buying things from dutyfree can save you alot of money right? and somemore my bro will have to pass the cosmetics blahblah here and there.. cos he doesnt even see us often.. irritating.

i'd rather not see him tomorrow.

recently, ive been having this fear that.. it is gonna happen again. the thing that happened on the night of 31st oct 2002.. hell yarh. call me paranoid. call me sensitive.. im usually right about these kinda things. so shut up. and it is gonna happen again. but i dont wanna go through the tears and the hurt again.

i will never, ever forgive you.

......... stop being such an anal bitch. you're pissing the fuck outta me.

come what may, i will love you until my dying day.

oh yes and did i mention that i've quit smoking? yess.. like since 2 weeks ago? damn proud of myself!! :) and some more now they dont sell small packs anymore.. only selling hard packs.. and the price is gonna increase..

lucky i quit smoking at the right time. haha. save money!! lol.

righttt. so today i had plans to collect my necklace from tiffany's and check out the new birkenstock store. but its all cancelled. bahhh.

im having this horrible headache. dying.

cleo is out.. cover looks realllly pretty and all. bought it just now. haha.

oh my goodness!!!!!!! guess what!!!!!! they finally opened a birkenstock shop in town.. the only one they had was in tanglin mall.. now they have it in wheelock place!!! wooohooo!! boy.. im sure going there later. the sandles are so pretty!! haha. i loveee birkenstock!! but im only left with a pair.. i lost my PINK one.. and my other white one is with my sister.. so im left with only one at home.. boohoo! i want more birkenstocks!! :) haha. been buying one pair every year since 2001.. its like an essential kinda thing?

okay. so this was a total bimbo entry. bah.

okayyy. so did you dream of the man in white sleeveless top.. white pants.. long swaying hair.. and oh yes.. who could ever forget the black underwear?

hell.. i slept for like 12 hours. feeling like such a pig. -oinkk- going out later.. oh guess wat.. my mom went out today without leaving money at home for me. what the hell. lucky she asked me to withdraw from my account first.. will pay me back. haha.

there's a light in your eyes i used to see.
there's a place in your heart where i used to be.

righttt. so i was talking to hazel on msn.. hell im sure im gonna end up marrying a china man. have a china baby. come back to singapore and speak fluent mandarin. if my baby is a girl, her name will be long-er.. if its a boy, his name will be yang-guo.

RIGHTTTTTTTTTTT.

class95 plays good music. reallllly. for the past week.. i've been listening to only class95 when im in my room. i mean hell.. those dedications on perfect10 gets a little irritating sometimes?

you know i love you, and i always will.
my mind is made up by the way that i feel.
there's no beginning, there will be no end.

boys and girls.
bungs and girls.
platonic friendships.. yes or no.

i take my stand. yesss. but not all the time though. someone might just cross the line.

making sense?

what a biatch. what a biatch. what contradictions. my oh my. used to it.. ha.

righttt. was talking to cat last night from 11 till 430.. goodness. know how much could be said within that period? alot. haha.

owell. and i woke up at 11 cos my bloodyyy cramps were killing me. still is. ughh!!

im sick again. everytime there's this study break thingy i will just fall sick. whoever is putting a curse on me.. congrats. your curse is working fucking well.

temperature is 38.5.. and every morning when i wake up, whatever that comes outta my nose or mouth is all green and gooey. like how gross is that. goodness. and im coughing all day long like an old man or something.. dying.

talk is cheap.
and thats what you are, cheap.

its a saturday and im not going out.
fuckk it.

i want to go out and everyone's busy busy busy. fine. so be it.

i want to go out!!! UGH. fuckkk.

im in this damn good mood now. there is like a smile fixed onto my face.. loveee my friends! hell i reallllly do. and i was just thinking of the past.. like those shit i did to ruin a friendship and all. and oh boy am i glad i got it back and all. im in this happppppy emotional mood. and im loving it. loving the flower gang alotttt. goodness. hell i miss you guys! and everyone else!! like those who played a part in my life. and i think i grew quite alot eh? haha. yes yes. happpppyyyy.

its those friends that matter.
not the HI-BYE friends. get the point?

went to united square.. bought this beaded pouch thingy from one of the shops that sells all the beaded things.. 30 bucks. and i was nice. i paid for it MYSELF. didnt ask my mom for money. and my mom bought for herself TWO bags.. and a pair of heels.. actually we went there to bring kyra to her doctor.. saw chew chor meng? (SPELLLL???) yar. the actor.. he brought his daughter to see the doctor. ha. he looks quite charming in person.

friendster is so amazing. like wow... yar. swell. :) like you know there are just some people you know that although you've only talked once or twice.. you know how nice the person is and all? oh man.. im talking crap again. lalala. enough said.. ta.

righttttt. so i just woke up cos i slept at 3am last night. was talking to my partnerincrime!! haha. think i talked to her from 10plus till 3.. and although she called me with a purpose(!!!!!) we still had fun and all larh. yar. cleared stuff with her last night and oh boy did we bitch about everyone. :P also talked about friends blahblah and all that stuff. and yes studies.. yadayada. had fun la. loveee you partnerincrime!! im waiting for my treat. have faith my dearrr. -hugs-

and oh boy. things are looking gooood. tasha's discharged and all. yupp. oh yar.. this year for her birthday.. she got like ALLLLL the barbie stuff you can ever find in department stores. trust me.. i mean everything.. from the fairy carriage, fairy barbie.. car.. box of stuff.. barbie house.. blahhhh. she has it ALLLL. lucky girl. she also has plenty of board games to keep her occupied for a year. now her playroom is like.. WHOAAAA.

okayyy. next up, kyra's birthday. 5th december.. cant wait!!

so turned off...

so blooodddyyyy turned off. ohman..

oh yes and just now joel and i went to egames to look for funny.. ( oh my lord. why cant i ever go out without seeing that guy. ) yes as i was saying.. hold on, let me puke first.. okay. yes.. so we went there to look for him. or rather joel needed something from him. so hell yar. and i saw that funny creature sitting on the place that birt sat the other time!!!! WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKK. now everyone go EEEEEEYEEEERRRR with me.

rightttt. went out in the end..
just came home.. damn early can? but i was really damn bored in town. yar.

went to watch uptown girls!!! its a damn nice show. funny and sad. i kinda teared abit at the last part.. its so sweeeet. awww.

met joel, wenhu and wai. yar.

i missed hollandvillage today. shuckss. and i bought 8days just now.. haha. so i know whatever that's gonna happen next week!!

i find maths paper 2 easier than maths paper 1?
but i had not enough time so screw it.

saw miranti on the bus just now. bitched.. yadayada. lol.

okayyyy. i wanna go out but no one is free.
boohoo. fine. shall go for a swim.

okayyyy. so i was on the phone with ronny and i started on the.. -send an email to your friend overseas with the correct format and also attach pictures of singapore food!!- joke. even after 2 days.. i still find it veryy funny but i think he got a little pissed off. im still laughing about it. heee hawww.

hrrm. looking at the videos, pictures.. i dont know why i miss fortysix alotttttt. like alotttttttttt. haiyar. time to get on with life. like how dumb. looking at the videos i should be missing xiaoniao.. but i miss fortysix so damn much. ugh. killing me.

enough said.....
bed time.

im smiling infront of the computer like a bloooody idiot now. goodness. absolute cuteness.

nobody loves me.
everybody hates me.
im gonna eat some worms.

i think im sick. AGAIN.

tasha's still in hospital. got a slight fever still.
so that means that danny didnt come over today cos he'll be wasting a trip down since tasha's not outta the hospital yet.

i miss my brother!!!! boohoo. havent seen him in HALF A YEAR. goodness. see his friends more often can.

im getting all drowsy and all. pissing the fuck outta me.

and did i mention that mission trip is cancelled? haiyar! realllly wanted to go. owell. next time.

i miss tasha. :( i miss danny kor kor. x(

if i was invisible....

okayyy. so last night i was on the phone with wenhu. then he left me on call waiting for SO long so i hung up. and then after that i was talking to bran.. and then joel called. haha. and he was singing all the nice christian songs on the phone with the guitar. :) haha.. had to force him to put down the phone cos he has a lit paper this morning at 8. and then i talked to wenhu for awhile.. and i started laughing for no apparent reason. was messaging. lol. and then.. was realllllly bored so i hung up. then i talked to jacob father! hahaha. he was full of rubbish and he's like.. "why is she going????.... no body wants her there." dot dot dot. hahaha.. and jacob has joined the circle of losers at friendster.. and im his FIRST friend. lol.

okay. so im all alone at home now and there's nothing to eat.

im seeing danny kor kor tomorrow!!!!!!!!
yipeeee!!!

im all smiles!

seventeen more days till the end of Os.
thirty one more days till kyra's birthday.
fifty one more days till christmas.
fifty five more days till my daddy's birthday.
fifty seven more days till my birthday!!!

freedom seems so near. yet a part of me is dreading it.. i wanna be under my parent's wings forever.. dont wanna go out to the world..

i would take the stars out of the sky for you.
stop the rain from falling if you asked me to.
i'd do anything for you, your wish is my command.

words cannot express how much you mean to me.
there must be some other way to make you see.
if it takes my heart and soul you know i'd pay the price.
everything that i possess, i gladly sacrifice.

oh you to me are everything, the sweetest song my heart could sing.
to you i guess im just a clown who picks you up each time you're down.

uoyssimi

rightttt.
kyra's so sweet. she learnt how to stand up by herself today!! :) so cuteee! and she just kissed me. lol. second time she kissed someone. lol. so sweeeet. and she has this realllllly cute dimple. so she's realllly sweet and cute. lol.

cant wait till she turns 1 on 5th december. will get her clothes i think!! yayy!

so english was relatively alright.. quite easy i would say. easier than i thought it would be larh. lol.

ohwell, for social studies.. i studied only 3 chapters. health and education in singapore, population in singapore and switzerland. and NONE of this came out. goodness.

next paper.. maths paper two. killer.

having difficulty breathing.

i sense an asthma attack coming soon.
ugh. fuck it.

tasha has pneumonia.
now shes even on the oxygen mask thingy cos she cant even breath properly.

poor girl.
things arent looking too good.

i thought prayers would work?
dear Lord, please answer my prayer. please bless tasha. its her birthday.

poor girl.
tasha's on drip.. as in you know the thing inserted into her hands ( or somewhere else?? ) and today is her BIRTHDAY!! that sweet little angel turns 4 today and she has to be in the hospital suffering. sigh.

she was supposed to go to school today, give out party packs.. cut her THIRD birthday cake for this year.. everything was bought and prepared.. sigh. guess now that will have to wait..

and last night they put her into some room with 5 other patients.. which means a 6 bedder thingy. lucky my sis upgraded to a single room for tasha.

she's got some lung infection thingy. and her fever aint going down.. i dont know what the hell are the people at kk hospital doing.

it hurts to much to hear that she, a young girl at the age of 4 has to go through all these.. although she may be naughty and all.. ugh.. why?.

nuff said. im gonna study.

im hungry.
im alone at home.

no one cares!!

there's no one at home to feed me my medication..
no one to buy my lunch/dinner.

i have to do it alllll by myself. pooof.

so the paper was a killer.
actually not really. the stupid private candidate next to me was fucking distracting. kept tapping here there everywhere. irritating asshole.
i will probably flunk it cos half the time, i was trying very hard not to fall asleep.. becos of the stupid medication i took before that. UGH.

i think i'll just flunk my o's.

feeling drowsy again. just ate my medicine.. ugh.
okay. im not talking sense over here.

okay. now i cant find the remote control for my bose set. its buried somewhere under the books.... buried somewhere..... out there.

and why is there a picture of a nike dunk at the top of my blog?

Dear Lord,

I pray for tasha. I pray that she will be alright. Pray for my sis and her whole family. Pray for my mom etc. Hope we can all get through this.

I pray for my exam tomorrow. Pray for wisdom and knowledge as i do the paper ALTHOUGH im not fully prepared. Pray for ALL my papers. Help me get through them, please. I know i cannot do this alone.

Pray for tasha once again. Please do be with her.

Amen.

righttttttt. so my sis calls to tell my mom updates on tasha and all.
after my mom hangs up, i POLITELY asked her how was things and she bloody snapped at me.

can someone please tell me why is everyone around me being such an anal bitch? and no its not me.

im in this fucking horrible mood now.
i wanna leave this house. and go far far away. they dont even need me. i dont even play a part. all i do is cause trouble and be a naughty sister and daughter. so this family is better off without me.
i wanna leave. get me outta this place.

greattt. now tasha is admitted into the hospital for a case of fits. how lucky. on the eve of her birthday. poor girl.

everyone in this bloody house is giving fucking attitude here and there. fucking pissing me off.
i wanna get outta this house.
i need to get outta this house.

get me out.

i seriously suspect that my family is under some curse.
one by one, everyone falls ill. AT THE WRONG TIME. i fall sick before the start of my Os, during my study break. tasha gets fucking high fever on the eve of her birthday.

and also.... the bloody quarrels and all.
this is too much for me to bear.
i wanna run away from home.

ughh. first my mom and my sis were both sick last week.
both had cough and flu.
and then it was my turn.. fever and all.
and now poor tasha has a high fever. she's shivering and all. and shes on her way to the hospital.

i dont know what the fuck is wrong with this whole family.
probably under a curse or something.
please pray. and my Os are tomorrow and im still feeling so fucking weak.
and its tasha's birthday tomorrow. poor girl. sigh.

righttt. slept for almost 13 hours? bahhh.

cj's gonna come over to give me maths tuition!!! hahaha. so nice of her. lol.

shall go eat my porridge now. bah.

this morning i had a fucking high fever. 39.5 degrees. almost died.

went to the doctor this morning with my mom.

i think i'll just flunk my Os. fuckk.